“I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with you…and then I realized you spent the rest of your life with me.”
When you get married and you repeat the last part of your vows, “til death do us part” what comes to mind should be growing old together. Never would I have ever imagined that 6 years later, on a Monday morning, that we would part.
I keep thinking to myself, if I would have known that Sunday night would have been our last night together, what would I have said? What would I have done different? Would I have stayed up a little longer? Would I have held you tighter? Would I have not yelled “ouch” when you pulled my hair as you walked by? Would I have told you that you were a great father? Would I have told you how proud of you I was?
Sunday nights and Monday mornings will never be the same for me. The truth is, nothing will ever be the same for me. Nothing. There is truth to the saying “I married my best friend.” Now he’s gone. As I look back at old text messages, I wonder if that last text about a missing vase was really that important. I think about the last family gathering that we hosted at our home the Saturday before. I think about how happy he was that he installed shelves in the bathroom and how he put together Mojo’s bike for Christmas … that I didn’t put away before he returned home. Part of me is glad that I didn’t, he had the chance to see Mojo play one last time.
I would thank him.
I would thank him for loving me at a time when I was learning to love myself. I would thank him for showing me how to live life to the fullest, for he truly lived his best life. I would thank him for always reminding me that as long as we had each other, nothing else mattered. I would thank him for always telling me that things would be ok, no matter how much I worried.
People always say that there is a lesson for everything and that we should never question God. To be honest, that’s not what I want to hear right now. Let me help you out here. The truth is, there is nothing that you can say to me. Nothing. Nothing that will comfort me. Nothing that will take away the pain. Nothing that will stop me from thinking about that last night with my husband.
Heaven gained the best dressed angel on December 23, 2019, and I know he’s up there trying to tell God what He needs to do.
If today was your last day with your husband, what would you say?
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine what you’re going through. My husband is quite a few years older than me, and I often think about what I say to him each day as we leave for work. You just never know what might happen. I don’t wan’t there to be unkind words.
Beautiful read. Just beautiful.
Oh wow! I am not sure if you will read this, but here goes. I felt your pain through this message! I don’t know how you have the almighty strength to write this post, but more power to you with the higher respect. My husband and I have been married for 25 years. I can’t imagine a day without him. He have been a great provider for our family. He is our rock. May God place his might strength around you and your precious baby boy(his namesake) forever. Peace and blessings to you!
So sorry for your Husband death some people say sorry for you Loss but he is not lost. You know where he is in Heaven setting at God’s feet serving his Father but remember he will always be with you watching over you. Be blessed my Dear Sister you are stronger than you think. Keep Praying ?♂️. You will meet again
I can relate to so much of this. I lost the love of my life on June 25, 2019 to kidney cancer. Yes, I had time to prepare, but I spent most of that time dreading the inevitable and grieving the loss of him before he was gone. It is the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. Last night as I was putting our two girls to bed all I could think about is how he’s missing these precious moments. We wanted these children so badly, and now I’m raising them alone. Life isn’t fair.
Such beautifully written thoughts in the midst of an indescribably difficult situation. My heart goes out to you for the loss of such a good husband and best friend.
You’re right, there are NO words that will help you. I lost my first husband at 24 years old. I remarried and my husband adopted my daughter. It’s been almost 13 years and I still don’t understand the “why” behind it happening. But I do know that you will grow and change as person, you’ll become stronger, you’ll be a better mother, and although the grief will never go away, you’ll learn how to exist with it. In the meantime I hope you have the opportunity to grieve however you need to, and that people will keep the “I’m so sorry” “he’s in a better place” “it’s God’s plan” comments to themselves.
I cannot imagine how painful it is to suddenly lose your best friend. I can’t even properly empathize with you because I can’t put myself there. Saying I’m sorry doesn’t seem proper and not saying anything doesn’t seem correct either….. so I will say thank you for sharing this so I can be more mindful of the time I have with my partner. Sending you a warm hug from Jackson, Mississippi. ??
First I would like to tell you how sorry I am. I know the pain that you are going through. I unexpectedly lost my husband, my best friend almost two years ago. My three children lost their father. He left to go on a deep sea fishing trip with his father and never came home. You are so right, nothing anyone can do or say can take away the gut wrenching pain and the hole in your heart. My husband and I were married for 27 years. We rode the bus together in Junior High School. Our family has a void in it. I dont think we will ever be the same. In fact, I know we won’t. I would thank my husband for being the most wonderful, loving, supportive,hilarious husband and father anyone could ever ask for. I would thank him for the security that he provided for our family. I would tell him he will never be forgotten.
So sorry for your loss. What a beautiful message n tribute to your husband. U have put into words thing I wanted to say but didn’t know how. I feel as though u r describing exactly how I felt about my husband and even what kind of person he was. I lost him n December of 2014 n the pain n emptiness is still here. It never goes away it only changes for awhile n then come right back again. We were together most of our life. I was 13 n he was 15 when started dating. We dated 4 years then were married for 37 years but that still wasn’t long enough. He was my everything. Your message has brought some peace to my heart n for that I am thankful. God bless u n I hope u find peace too.