“I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with you…and then I realized you spent the rest of your life with me.”
When you get married and you repeat the last part of your vows, “til death do us part” what comes to mind should be growing old together. Never would I have ever imagined that 6 years later, on a Monday morning, that we would part.
I keep thinking to myself, if I would have known that Sunday night would have been our last night together, what would I have said? What would I have done different? Would I have stayed up a little longer? Would I have held you tighter? Would I have not yelled “ouch” when you pulled my hair as you walked by? Would I have told you that you were a great father? Would I have told you how proud of you I was?
Sunday nights and Monday mornings will never be the same for me. The truth is, nothing will ever be the same for me. Nothing. There is truth to the saying “I married my best friend.” Now he’s gone. As I look back at old text messages, I wonder if that last text about a missing vase was really that important. I think about the last family gathering that we hosted at our home the Saturday before. I think about how happy he was that he installed shelves in the bathroom and how he put together Mojo’s bike for Christmas … that I didn’t put away before he returned home. Part of me is glad that I didn’t, he had the chance to see Mojo play one last time.
I would thank him.
I would thank him for loving me at a time when I was learning to love myself. I would thank him for showing me how to live life to the fullest, for he truly lived his best life. I would thank him for always reminding me that as long as we had each other, nothing else mattered. I would thank him for always telling me that things would be ok, no matter how much I worried.
People always say that there is a lesson for everything and that we should never question God. To be honest, that’s not what I want to hear right now. Let me help you out here. The truth is, there is nothing that you can say to me. Nothing. Nothing that will comfort me. Nothing that will take away the pain. Nothing that will stop me from thinking about that last night with my husband.
Heaven gained the best dressed angel on December 23, 2019, and I know he’s up there trying to tell God what He needs to do.