My husband and I haven’t slept in our bed together in almost a year. I didn’t tell anybody until about 3 or 4 months ago because I was ashamed. In my mind I thought that sleeping apart might make people think our marriage was on the rocks, and I didn’t want people to think we were in trouble for no reason. (Side note: I’m mad at myself for caring what others think about my marriage.) The truth is our marriage is fine, we just cannot sleep together. So he sleeps on the couch.
It’s not one person’s fault that we cannot share a bed. He likes the tv on and fan on full blast. I like complete darkness and silence. Plus there is snoring. Before kids I wore earplugs and a sleep mask, and things were just fine. However, my motherly instincts don’t allow for me to be shut off from the world while my children sleep. We did a lot of separate sleeping when both babies were born so that we each could get sleep while the other was on night duty. As the kids got older and started sleeping through the night, I was sleeping less and waking up my husband more as he disturbed me. He moved to the couch, and I never invited him back.
At first I felt bad. He claims he likes sleeping on the couch, and the passion in our marriage has remained high. After all this time, it seems to be working out fine. After coming clean to my friends, they think its hilarious and don’t seem judge-y at all. If they were, I would get new friends! It may sound silly, but sometimes I worry about what our kids think. They are aware that Daddy sleeps on the couch a lot. Eventually they will learn that most couples sleep in bed together and we will have to address that.
At the end of the day, you have no idea what really goes on behind closed doors and each couple needs to do what works for them. On rare occasions that we do sleep together, it’s very exciting. We are giddy like newlyweds. We snuggle and enjoy each other, then a few nights later, we separate again.