Before I was “Mom,” I was me, Kristina.
Before the rough first couple of weeks of sleepless newborn momma life, I had my tribe of girls. We used to have girls’ nights or happy hour meet ups often, and those nights were lifesavers.
Becoming a mom, those first couple of weeks and still to this day, we rely on our mom friends. That will always be a given; however, it is important to keep our friends that may not have children. They have their reasons for not having children, whether it be that they are trying, not ready yet, or they may not even desire to have any kids. We love, respect, and support them. That is what friends do. Remember, we used to hate the questions of “Why don’t you have kids?” or “When are you having children?” before we became mothers so support those girls. They have their reasons so we should support them and not question their reasoning. We love them as is. What we absolutely need to remember is that we NEED those friends.
Why It’s Important
Your “Pre-Mom” life friends know you before you became a mom. If they are true friends, they know the true you. The you that expressed all your hopes, dreams, and fears. They saw your journey to motherhood. In essence, they know the good, the bad, and the ugly. With knowing that, they stuck by your side. These are all things that sometimes new mommas forget about themselves or lose sight of when they become parents. It’s always good to have someone who reminds you that you are more than just a mom.
How to Keep Them Around
Obviously, now as parents, a lot of your priorities change but Mommas, make the effort to see your friends who don’t have children. It is often hard for non-mom friends to voice that they miss you. They don’t know how you are doing those first couple of months, so they try to support you but they also don’t know what to do to support you. This is where WE must initiate the conversation. Text them about random things you Googled when you were up at 3 am feeding the newborn or just send a message about how the kids are doing or a funny memory you thought dearly of at that moment. You can send messages about the kids, but do not bombard them with it. Remember, you are more than a mom. Show your non-mom friends that yes you might send a couple funny pics of your kids … you are a mom after all, but also remind them, “hey I am here, and I miss you.”
Besides texts, meet up for a coffee date. Most people, especially moms, NEED coffee. This is a perfect way to catch up. If you can arrange it, have a girl’s night out. Dinner or drinks or both. Invite them to your kids’ birthday parties but make the parties adult friendly too. One of my fondest memories’ pre-motherhood was when my sorority sister invited me and a couple of our other kid-less sisters to her son’s birthday party. We had cocktails and rode around on the train at the park. Oh, and yeah there was a moment when the bounce house was just for the adults. Fun memories!
Love and cherish those that have done the same for you in your lifetime. It will bring you an abundance of happiness in every stage of your life.