Dear Husband :: I Won’t Shame You
I am divorced and remarried. It’s not a badge of honor (that’s for sure) but it does afford me the opportunity to look back and see behaviors from my previous marriage that I know better than to repeat this time around. One thing I won’t do again is publicly shame my husband. I’m not saying make flyers of the cabinets he leaves open and post them around the neighborhood; I mean *smack-talking.*
Let’s be clear – I’m not talking about the girlfriend I rant to when he does something that boils my blood. I NEED those few outlets to sort through my feelings, so that – and this is the most important part – I can tell him what’s bothering me.
So here’s my promise to my husband.
In learning from my past and deciding on the person I want to become; for me, for him and for our children, I vow NEVER to:
- Smack-talk you on social media. This deteriorates our relationship by inviting the world to see my one-sided perspective on the kind of person I think you are for that brief moment. Because leaving the toaster on 5 resulting in me burning my toast was, in fact, the end of the world during my hormonal flux of a pregnancy. I am certain to forgive you, feel terrible for crying and want to delete the post anyway.
- Sit around and have one-sided conversations about your faults with my girlfriends. Doing this doesn’t allow you the opportunity to express your viewpoint or sorrow or regret or that you might disagree. Honestly, I really hope you don’t sit around with your buddies saying how sucky I am either… In those moments of frustration, I want to be able to express myself, but in a healthy way – not just a bitch session.
- Call any male friend to complain, ever. Just trust me here – this never ends well, even if it takes years. Trust is diminished and strange feelings develop. Loyalty is undermined. It’s just bad ju-ju.
- Involve unnecessary opinions and random people to help prove my point. I will call our counselor if something remains unsettled and I feel like I need to talk. I will use a safe, objective outlet to help me see things clearly.