7 Reasons This New Orleans Mom Dislikes Twin Peaks {And Other Breastaurants, For That Matter}

Author’s Note :: I want to be very clear that what follows is my own personal opinion. I am not here to determine whether “breastaurants” (nope, not a made up term) are right or wrong, and I am not judging whether your family, husband or cousin’s grandmother patronizes them or works in them. I have no issue with seeing skin – in fact, I choose to wear a bikini and am not offended in the least bit by beach attire (when being used in the context of swimming and sunbathing), seeing confident beautiful women or nursing mothers. In an irony of all ironies, I have actually nursed a baby at Buffalo Wild Wings [true story]. My entire issue with “breastaurants” is all about the context and intent.

7 Reasons This New Orleans Mom Dislikes Twin Peaks {And Other Breastraunts, For That Matter}

If you’ve been to the Clearview Target any time somewhat recently, you’ve probably noticed been blinded by the fact that Serrano’s was replaced by Twin Peaks. What is Twin Peaks, you may ask? Well, this is how they proudly describe themselves ::

“Here at Twin Peaks, we offer everything you crave and more. Hearty made-from-scratch comfort food, draft beer served at a teeth-chattering 29 degrees and all the best sports in town shown on high-definition flat screens. All of this is served by our friendly and attentive Twin Peaks Girls, offering their signature “Girl Next Door” charisma and playful personalities to ensure that your adventure starts at the Peaks.

Twin Peaks is the ultimate sports lodge; everything is rarefied to make you feel special. Our entire menu is prepared in-house and to order, and endowed in generous portions to satisfy the healthiest appetites. We pour beer into huge frosted mugs at 29 degrees so that ice crystals form at the top of the glass. It perfectly pairs with our hearty comfort food, like hand-cut Mozzarella Bites, succulent Pulled Pork Nachos, a juicy Twin Cheeseburger, & savory Venison Chili. We show the sports you want and need to see, including every important local contest as well as major boxing matches and all UFC fights – and up at the Peaks, every seat has a knockout view.”

breastraunts

So basically it’s a sports bar at which you’re served by extremely scantily clad women. WHY is this the choice for an otherwise family friendly mall? I don’t know about y’all, but when I am stocking up on diapers and wipes – or even catching a flick with my husband (which, if I am honest, we never do, but that’s besides the point) – I’d really rather not walk by a restaurant that may as well be on Bourbon.

Again, I am not here to debate whether these establishments are right or wrong. And I truly don’t care what your family does or if your baby has been to Hooters or if places like these don’t bother you. If your family chooses to patronize them, rock on. If the guys head out to grab the best.wings.ever while watching the game, so be it. If we’re honest, we all know the wings are wings and the game is available elsewhere. It is what it is. BUT. I have a few issues with Twin Peaks locating itself at Clearview. It’s not that I haven’t “seen worse” or that I care if women wear bikinis on the beach. When you’re on the beach sunbathing, your purpose and intent is 100% different than when you are dressing the part to entertain people. I think there’s nothing more beautiful than a confident woman, regardless of her body type or cup size. That said, I really dislike the location of Twin Peaks, mainly because I am baffled as to WHY it’s anchoring a mall that generally targets families?!

Let Me Count The Ways Breastraunts Are Not My Cup of Tea

1) I don’t want to explain to my 4 year old son why the waitresses are practically naked. And yes, he’s asked. “Mommy, why dat girl wearing her bathing suit?” [Insert silence from moi.]

2) The waitresses are legitimately wearing next to nothing. And I have to see that every time I access Target via I-10. It’s a wonder I haven’t crashed my suburban from the “knockout views.”

3) The name sexualizes a body part that has nourished my 3 children. I “get” that breasts can be for pleasure, and I am sure my husband would agree (sorry, honey!) … but the name is just too much for this mama. But the wings are soooo good, I hear you say. As a wise friend once said, can you imagine if we all went to grab a “to-die-for salad” at a joint where Magic Mike was live? No one’s there for the food. Know how I know? Becuase I like wings, and Buffalo Wild Wings is down the street. A little cleavage in a cocktail dress – fine. Using said cleavage as a business proposition … that is where I personally start to get uncomfortable.

4) It glamorizes being well-endowed and emphasizes physical attributes. In fact, in order to be hired there, you should, “grab your favorite outfit, glam up your hair and make-up and visit us today.” That’s just great if you’re blessed with large breasts, but it bothers me that my daughters could interpret their worth based on such a thing. Brains and personalities are beautiful, too, my dears.

5) The sexual innuendos in the description make me gag. {The food is “endowed in generous portions” and the nachos are “succulent.” No, I am pretty sure they are just nachos. I love chips and cheese as much as anyone, but come on now.}

6) This is a big one. Big enough that it probably warrants a post of its own and I will not do it justice here. I don’t want my daughters to ever question their physical attributes OR believe that their worth is attached to their bodies, physically speaking. There is something SO concerning and – dare I say submissive – about this sales point :: “All of this is served by our friendly and attentive Twin Peaks Girls, offering their signature “Girl Next Door” charisma and playful personalities to ensure that your adventure starts at the Peaks.” I want my daughters to be whoever they feel like being, and if that changes every day, so be it. This line irritates me, as it seems to suggest there is one “right way” to be female. And that includes being attentive and playful.

7) This could be me, even though I am a generally laid back person in most circumstances. It’s way too much skin for 4:00pm Target runs. I get my fill of naked hineys with the 543 diapers I change daily and am really just at Clearview to get groceries and a fountain diet coke. I really need no more hiney in my life, mkay?

So tell me :: am I over-reacting? Or do you, too, wish they’d pull the blinds down?

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Ashley is the Co-Owner of New Orleans Mom, Red Stick Mom and Lafayette Mom, now the largest network of parenting websites in South Louisiana. Proud graduates of the University of Virginia, she and her husband Blaise spent time in Tampa and Scottsdale prior to settling down back home in New Orleans, something they both said "would never happen." An avid runner, she'll try any workout at least once and is always up for sweating with friends. When she’s not shuttling her 3 very active kids to school, gymnastics or baseball, you can find her cheering for the Saints, trying new restaurants or spending time with family and friends. She's also not afraid to return mediocre books to the library before finishing them because life is too short for bad books. A native New Orleanian, Ashley loves exploring and discovering the beauty of South Louisiana through her growing children's eyes.

4 COMMENTS

  1. Unless someone is writing this for you, pretty perplexing coming from a saints cheerleader. Last time I checked they wear outfits that are no larger than the ones at twin peaks, are all “glamed up” for every game and I am pretty sure making the squad if not about being who you want to be or anyone’s personality. I have no particular love for these kinds of places but seriously, your playing the same game you are ripping apart.

  2. Hi Bob! Thanks for reading. That said, I’m not a Saintsation. I’m not sure where you got that impression but I am not an NFL dancer.

  3. I tried to call and complain. Last year on Super Bowl Sunday I took my daughter to see frozen in the early afternoon (maybe 4ish). One of the waitresses, dressed only in a lace thong and bra was standing in front the mall entrance holding a sign about their Super Bowl specials. I called to complain to the theater who directed me to the mall manager who never returned my call. If you enjoy that, fine. But I should be able to take my child to the movie without it in my face!

  4. Its really simple. Stop going to the mall. Let the store owners know why you aren’t shopping there. I quit going to Target there when I learned what Twin Peaks was all about. And I emailed Target and let them know why I was no longer going to the Clearview Target. I also emailed the mall and let them know.

    These kinds of establishments need to be stand alone places, not part of a mall. Until then, I’ll just stay away from the mall entirely. There’s plenty of other options in the metro area.

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