Right now, life is crazy.
No one knows what tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year will bring. It’s hard to even comprehend whats going on. It’s even harder to march forward. But… that’s what moms do. We march forward. We continue moving on. In a world of uncertainties, we know we need to bring security to our family. We have to block out our own worries and fears. We create an atmosphere of regularity and normalcy for our children. We’ve become home school teachers overnight. We’ve gone out our way to set up a “school” like setting. We’ve put bears in our windows for neighborhood kids to find. We’ve gone through more sidewalk chalk in a day than we do in a year. We’ve set up group face chats just to spend time with our friends from a distance. We’ve survived the days with coffee, and we’ve gotten through the nights with wine. We’ve binge-watched Tiger King to quiet our anxious minds. Then… it hits us.
During the middle of the night, when you don’t have to entertain the kids, and Joe Exotic isn’t there to entertain you… you get lost in your thoughts. I’m sure by now the hopes of all spring plans and activities are slowly fading away. You start to think about the birthday parties that were skipped, the weddings that were put on hold, the vacation plans that are no more, the senior proms that probably won’t happen, the graduations that will be online, the dance revues we might not see, the Easter Egg hunts that aren’t being enjoyed, the Easter Bunny pictures that you aren’t getting, and the countless other plans that have been put off for the foreseeable future.
I had the most perfect, 6-night getaway planned for my family. We were going to drive to Disney World on Easter Sunday and stay the following week to celebrate my youngest turning 4 on April 14th. We had perfect dining reservations and amazing fast passes. I had booked Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique and had an appointment to build droids. I purchased early morning magic and even planned a date night for me and my husband. I ordered specialty themed dresses and matching t-shirts. Now I must call Disney World, hopefully reschedule, cancel all reservations, and delete my fast passes with hopes to get them again. Yes, I feel incredibly selfish being sad about all these details that seem so small considering what’s going on in the world. I have so many people in the medical field that I worry about daily. I constantly think about my family members who are most vulnerable to the virus. I also get nervous about being exposed because I have a terrible medical history. Even though there is so much fear going on right now, I’m still heartbroken over my vacation that’s not happening.
It’s OK to cry.
It’s hard to balance all of our emotions right now. I know you’re trying to prioritize your head over your heart. You’re trying to think more than feel. If you have had to recently erase some important dates off the calendar, it’s normal to be sad. I know you’re not just sad over some things that aren’t happening. You’re heartbroken over the EVERYTHING that’s not happening. We’re all ultimately doing what’s best for our family and our community. We are staying strong. We’re supporting each other and getting through this together. But you can let your guard down when the house is quiet and the kids are asleep. You can cry when you’re alone and thinking about what you should be doing today, what you would have done yesterday, and what you wish you were doing tomorrow. You’re brave. You’re not selfish. And it’s OK to still cry over the small things.