I Had A Baby Before I Was Married :: Breaking the News

The News

Finding out that you’re expecting can bring out a lot of emotions. The day I found out that I was pregnant, I curled up on the sofa and cried. My head was spinning with questions. As I was sitting there, I picked up the phone and called three people: my boyfriend, best friend and then my older brother. The first two didn’t answer but my brother did, and as he picked up, hearing me sob, he quickly FaceTimed me and I answered with tears rolling down my face. As the look of concern appeared on his face, he quietly said, “Hey Sis what’s wrong?” I just shook my head and whispered, “I’m pregnant.”

What Am I Going to Tell My Family

With the look of excitement on his face, he asked, “why are you crying, this is a blessing?” I just looked and said, “well I’m overwhelmed with emotions but the main this is WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MY FAMILY? I’m not married, and I don’t want them judging me.” He looked puzzled and said they will love you no matter what; God wouldn’t give you a baby if he didn’t know that you couldn’t handle it. In my mind that wasn’t the answer I expected to hear. A few minutes later we hung up and there was a glimmer of hope over all the negative thoughts.

Strict Religious Family

Growing up, I always went to church and was taught that having a baby before being married was sinful, we all know this. But I was always afraid of disappointing my family. So, it was hard for me to even approach them. I didn’t announce my pregnancy to everyone until I was seven months, luckily my family is spread over the country, so they didn’t have to see the baby bump. As I slowly called each member one by one, I anticipated what they would say. “You are a sinner, how could you, what would your mom say if she was still alive?” Those words would play in my head as I nervously told them the exciting news.

It Takes a Village

Day by day as I called each family member, I was surprised to hear their response, many were shocked but they all told me the same thing. “Well Ja’Nae, no you’re not married but we love you and that baby with all our hearts. We all have things we’ve done, so don’t be ashamed. It takes a village to raise a child and we are supporting you every step of the way.” Those words meant so much to me.

Lesson Learned

As my family surrounded me with love and support, I realized that assuming the worst will get you nowhere. Yes, I had a few relatives say a few hurtful things about not being married, but regardless of their beliefs, they are still in my corner. Some are even trying to push us to get married, but we know that we’re not ready. I’ve learned to not really worry about what others may think and just live my life the way it was made for me. I’ve learned to do what I have to do for my baby and show her that people may judge you, but overall it’s how you take it and what you do with it that makes you become the woman that you were destined to be.

Live Your Truth

It’s only been a year, but it has been a rollercoaster, especially when knowing who is for you and against you. Most flew or drove down to throw me a post-baby shower, and they call and check up on me every once in a while, and they love my baby girl to the ends of the Earth. I’m glad I was able to have this experience because it really showed me how powerful and strong we as parents can be and to never assume what people, especially family, would think or do. Be honest with yourself and live your truth, things happen for a reason and it’s up to us to play the cards that have been given to us!

How are you playing your cards?

Ja’Nae was born in Houma and raised on the outskirts of New Orleans known as the Westbank, where she still resides. She’s currently dating her boyfriend of 3 years and together they raise their daughter A’nylah. After attending Jackson State University, she moved back to New Orleans and then earned her master’s at Full Sail University in Public Relations, she currently works part-time at a local Bra Boutique where she enjoys helping women feel good about themselves. In her free times, she’s looking for the latest fashion trends, working out, learning how to organize her life, relaxing by enjoying a good movie or series and finding fun things to do with her new family.


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