Embracing the Unexpected Decision to Stop at Two Kids: It’s OK to Say No to More
Becoming a parent is one of the most profound experiences life has to offer. The journey of raising children is filled with immense joy, challenges, and countless unforgettable moments. For many of us, there’s a preconceived notion of what the perfect family size should be. For my husband and me, that ideal was three children. But as we look at our two beautiful kids and the life we’ve built, we’ve come to a realization: we’re done having kids, and that’s perfectly okay.
The Reality of Parenting: It’s Hard
When we first envisioned our family, we didn’t anticipate just how challenging parenting could be. I experienced postpartum depression with both of my children, a struggle that weighed heavily on my mental health and our family dynamic. During those tough times, I often felt like everything fell on my shoulders. As the one breastfeeding and pumping for over a year, I carried the burden of feeding our babies. It wasn’t just the physical demands; it was the overwhelming sense of responsibility that I could do everything better or had to do it myself.
This dynamic often left me feeling resentful towards my husband. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help; it was just that, in my mind, I felt like I had to handle it all. This strain on our relationship was difficult, and it’s something we’ve had to work through together. If we have another child, I feel like it could break me, or even break us.
Financial Realities: The Cost of Raising a Child
Beyond the emotional and physical challenges, there’s the undeniable reality of finances. Life is expensive, and the costs of raising children are astronomical. We love our daycare, but the $11,000/year price tag is a significant financial commitment, one that increases each year. As we look at our current expenses, we realize that adding another child would stretch our finances further than we’re comfortable with. Our home, while cozy and full of love, doesn’t feel spacious enough for another little one. Our cars, too, aren’t equipped for a bigger family.
Embracing Change and Mental Health
I’m not someone who deals well with change. I’m a planner; I like to map out a ten-year plan and work towards achieving it. But life has taught me an invaluable lesson: plans can change, and that’s okay. It’s crucial to acknowledge when your mental health is at stake and make decisions that prioritize well-being. Deciding not to have another child is a choice we’re making for the sake of our mental health, our relationship, and our family’s financial stability.
New Opportunities with Older Kids
Another aspect of our decision is the newfound freedom that comes with having older children. Our kids are at an age where they’re more self-sufficient. They can bathe and dress themselves, and we no longer need to lug around diaper bags or worry about naps. This stage has opened up a new world of possibilities, including the ease of traveling. We’re enjoying this phase of parenting, and the thought of starting over feels overwhelming.
Your Family, Your Choice
At the end of the day, every family is unique. The decision to have more children is deeply personal and should never be influenced by societal pressures. It’s essential to listen to your heart and prioritize what’s best for your family’s happiness and well-being. For us, that means being content with our two wonderful kids and embracing the life we’ve built together.
Remember, it’s okay to change your plans. It’s okay to prioritize your mental health. And it’s okay to say, “We’re done having kids.” Your family’s happiness is what matters most, and making decisions that support that is the best choice you can make.
