2020 continues to be a year of transformation in my life. As a wife, mother, and young woman.
While all the chaos swirls around me, I find solace in small moments when I realize I am displaying growth. My latest pillar of growth is personal peace. Personal peace for me is being completely at ease with situations that once were a source of stress and turmoil. From the outside looking in it appears to be a flippant attitude, but for me, it is the pinnacle of growth for a self-proclaimed over-analyzing, drama queen.
Peace, that is huge for me. Letting go of the toxicity for my peace. Disregarding closure for my peace. I used to never be able to do that. I always had to have the last word. I had to be right. I had to have those things to feel validated. Being this way caused many years of unnecessary self-inflicted misery.
Some people will say these revelations come with age. Others will say they come from hard lessons learned. I believe it is truly a combination of the two. I have dragged myself through situation after situation, causing distress to myself only to repeat it over again months later. It is only now (at 30) that I have decided lacking peace is something I am no longer willing to sacrifice in my life. It has to be a priority. If the person, place, or thing does not nurture a state of peace, then it must go.
Some days feel like Cloud Nine while others feel like I am driving the struggle bus. Most recently, I have found my peace being disturbed by others. By that I mean, I have let folks live rent-free in my head. When I realized I was not at peace, I adjusted. For me this looks like cutting ties, setting boundaries expressing my feelings. What would have been huge blowout years, even months ago, is not anymore.
There comes a point where you must ask yourself if you would rather be right or happy? What does being at peace look like for you?