Hello friend! Allow me to vent for a minute so I can go back to my thing… sometimes all we need is to vent to just be able to get something off our chest and be able to move on, right? Like old friends that allow one another to unload the frustration so we can all get back to business a little lighter. May I?
I love my family…
I find this motherhood business extremely rewarding and I wouldn’t take any other way BUT somedays I just can’t… It is an honor to be the person my kids run to when they are in pain or really sad or when they need to snuggle (don’t get me wrong, my husband gets it too, but when it comes to “talk” about it I am the go-to girl), but that makes me the emotional dump of this household.
Most of us understand that when the feeling gets “too big” for our little ones, they will probably unload them onto us, in a form of really testing behavior, nagging attitudes or talk back. They can not deal with their feelings, so they make US deal with them. That is when WE need to calmly figure out what is happening and “name” the feeling and help find a “better outlet” for this emotion.
Hello darkness, my old friend…
You see, the thing is kids are VERY perceptive so if we (I) are stressed/worried/anxious, they perceive it, and since they don’t know how to deal with it…. They put it on us, but if you read before WE are already there!!! And here is where I fail to handle the situation with grace. I just can’t deal with you getting in my face and crying over everything when I just asked you to give me a little space.
I can give my best to help them when they are the ones with the big feelings, but when it is me the one on the dark side it only makes me feel worse after I (most likely) fail to manage the situation successfully. It is so hard to be emotionally available when I am not really. I hope one day they understand what it is to be on a parent’s shoes and hopefully the damage is not too bad.
Not just the little ones
The thing is that sometimes it also happens with our partner, they are stressed, had a bad day at the office, they are worried, you name it, and then the out-of-nowhere bickering/fight/overreaction comes up and we are left with no clue of what just happened. Don’t get me wrong, I do it too, from time to time the stress takes the best of me and I end up causing some argument.
I really find this part of adulting/parenting very hard to navigate and even though I am getting a little better about it I still have a long way to go.
How do you handle their big feelings when you have them, too?