To my sweet baby girl:
I just finished feeding you your last ounce of mommy’s milk. I was definitely a little emotional about it, to say the least. I feel so very selfish. I feel like I’ve failed you. My breastfeeding goal was 1 year, and we’ve only made it 7.5 months. As you will learn, mommy does not like failing.
Our breastfeeding journey has not been easy. In the hospital right after you were born, you could not latch on because you were born with a tongue and lip tie, so we had to give you formula until mommy’s milk came in. Then I was able to pump and bottle feed you. After we had your tongue and lip tie fixed, you still would not latch, so mommy continued to exclusively pump and bottle feed you. I felt like such a failure then. I so desperately wanted to breastfeed you. I also struggled with low milk supply, so I was never able to build up a frozen supply to last you when I had to return to work.
Luckily, because of COVID, I was able to stay home with you a little longer until you were 5 months old. Once I did return to work, my supply gradually started to drop because I wasn’t able to pump as often, and eventually we had to start supplementing with formula. Again, I felt like such a failure, however, once I realized you were doing perfectly fine with the formula, I made the tough decision to slowly stop pumping. Part of my decision was purely selfish because honestly, I just wanted more sleep. Part, though, is better for you because now mommy has more time to spend with you. I’ll no longer have to worry about putting you down so I can pump, or being in a bad mood because I’ve woken up in the middle of the night to pump, or all of the time I spend washing pump parts. So, in the end, maybe I should cut myself some slack because maybe switching you to formula isn’t so selfish. We’ll have more time together, and the time is going by so fast these days. Mommy loves you so much, my sweet girl. We’re going to be just fine.
Nicole is originally from Chalmette but now lives on the Northshore with her husband and their 8-month-old baby girl. She is an operating room nurse and is passionate about her career. Nicole is a huge Disney fanatic and a die-hard LSU Tigers fan. In her free time, she enjoys relaxing at home with her little family and is currently learning to navigate this thing called parenthood.