Starting A New School Year with My Anxious Kid
School has always been hard for my oldest, Brady. He struggles academically and socially. Being on the spectrum, having ADHD and now social anxiety makes for transitions difficult to say the least.
Still after being at the same school for over 10 years, each new school year brought on more anxiety and more stress for him and our family. He never felt comfortable or excited to start the new year or see his friends. He was constantly terrified of what people would say about him, to him or if he would get bullied. I always felt like I was forcing him to do something that terrified him to his core, which broke my mama heart.
This year, being at a new school, we have tried different techniques. We waited until last week to do his school reading project because I knew that bringing out that schoolwork would kick his anxiety into high gear, and I wanted him to be able to enjoy his summer as long as he could. Now that it is time to start thinking about going back, we talk about it every day and what it will look like for him. The start times, the end times, where carpool will be, his new teachers, and now starting high school. All of these are things that Brady will constantly worry and hyperfocus on. I have learned that no matter how many times we discuss or how many times Brady asks me questions, I must remain calm and answer him with honesty. If I am late picking him up on Wednesdays, I must keep reminding him and reassuring him that I will be there to get him and not to give in to one of his fears that he will be left at school.
Each year, I must reassure Brady that most kids are nervous and unsure just like him but his social anxiety creeps in and tells him otherwise. To combat this fear, I have parents and friends also explain to Brady how his fears are valid, and their children are also nervous for all the same reasons. Brady’s anxiety affects him physically so for him, not seeing other kids like him tells him that they are not having the same fears. We do reassure him that everyone is going through this together.
Last year, Brady’s anxiety had taken over so much that he was missing his PE class and hiding in another teacher’s class without informing anyone where he was. While the teacher in the classroom knew Brady, Brady did not communicate that he was hiding from PE class. For 20 minutes, I was terrified while the school looked for him. At this point, I knew we had to come up with a plan. We set up a designated teacher and classroom for him to go to if his anxiety takes over and he cannot cope. The teacher created a safe space for Brady in case he felt like he needed to flee a situation. At St. Therese, we have the same agreement. If he feels upset and needs to check out for a little while, he knows who to go to instead of hiding.
We have also been working on his breathing techniques. If he gets overwhelmed, he takes breaths and counts to ten to refocus and reset himself. We talk him through his fears and how irrational some of them are and how some of them are valid, all while he works on his breathing.
Social anxiety is real!
My son has the hardest time attending functions, and especially functions with kids his age or older. In the past, I have given in and let him skip the events because my heart could not take him being physically and emotionally so upset. Both my husband and I agreed that we need to move past that and push Brady to attend the functions (if we know of someone that will watch out for him). Last week, Brady went to a church function; he was shaking with fear and in tears at the fear of even going. Once we arrived, I found an adult that walked Brady through what the night would be like, showed him where he could sit, and who would be his partner in a game. She even gave Brady a special seat to sit in case he became overwhelmed and needed a break. He ended up having fun and is thinking about going back next week. I assured him that I had a close friend in the next room, and she would be there if he needed anything.
We have learned so much this year with Brady. We learned that we do need to push him out of his comfort zone if it is a safe situation. All he must do is try it once! It hurts to see him so afraid of new situations, but I know that pushing him to try new things and meet new people can only help him in the future.
