Will we have more children?

As the oldest of three children, there aren’t very many memories from my childhood that don’t include my brother and sister. As for my husband, the youngest of seven children, most of the stories from his childhood begin with “when my brother and I….” So naturally, one of the first serious conversations we had when we started dating was how many children we each wanted. After some lighthearted joking about wanting ten children, we quickly agreed that two or three would be the perfect number for us in the future. Little did we know, at that time, God had a different plan for us.

AddieIn an ideal world, our home would already be filled with the pitter patter of little feet. However, with the challenges that we have faced carrying a baby to term, we realize that, most likely, Addison will be our only child. While on hospitalized bed rest, we, of course, prayed and hoped for the best case scenario, but we also had to be realistic. The cause of my recurrent pregnancy loss was not something that could be easily (and inexpensively) remedied. The experimental treatments that I had before getting pregnant were not covered by insurance and wound up costing a couple of thousand dollars a session. Furthermore, the doctors were not entirely sure those treatments did not contribute to the preterm premature rupture of membrane at fourteen weeks. With that combination, plus learning if you deliver early once, you’re likely deliver early again, we made the difficult decision to remain a one child family.

Now that hasn’t stopped inquiring minds from wondering if we’re going to be giving Addison a little brother or sister anytime soon. I suppose I should feel fortunate that they’ve waited until after she was a year old to start asking. And I admit, I am guilty of asking the same questions to my friends. It’s only human nature to wonder these things. I think what always takes me by surprise, though, is when after they hear my standard “probably not” answer, they ask why. Again, it’s human nature, I guess. But to feel like we have to explain our decision to someone, whether they know our history or not, causes those doubts about our decision to resurface.

These thoughts do not creep in often, but from time to time, they do make an appearance. When faced with those questions, it doesn’t make it easy to think that Addison will not grow up Addie 3as a big sister or know what it’s like to have to share her room with a younger sibling. But, we certainly have a lot on our plate with some lingering medical issues that we are still facing with Addison’s hip, and our little toddler definitely keeps us on our toes, literally, as her short attention span has her all over the place while she’s learning to walk.

Don’t misunderstand what I am saying. We are eternally grateful for our little miracle girl! We feel blessed that God chose us as her parents, and our lives have been forever changed from the moment she arrived. We will do everything in our power to make sure that she knows that she is loved. I am simply sharing why she will be an only child, unless, of course, God has other plans.

What about you? Whether you have one or two or three, are you faced with the question “will you have more?” How do you respond?


  1. I literally just got asked this question yesterday by a male who is an acquaintance I hadn’t seen in over a year. He asked if we were planning on having another one any time soon. To be honest, I just told him, well we actually had a miscarriage in October and so we are trying. That kinda shut the conversation down pretty quickly. I am sure it makes them uncomfortable, but it is the truth and I am not ashamed of it. And it feels like lying to pretend it didn’t happen and brush over it. Unfortunately, people who haven’t experienced loss or infertility or hard ships getting and staying pregnant just don’t “understand” and it isn’t in their frame of reference when they think of pregnancy. Lucky for them though! As I’ve mentioned, I would never wish the loss of a child or infertility struggles onto my worst enemy. Thanks for sharing your story Elizabeth! I think it is SO important to be the voice of so many moms out there experiencing the same hardships you are!

    • Like you said, they don’t understand, and we would never wish the loss on anyone. You are such a strong woman for sharing your story as well & I know that a lot of women will be helped by hearing it!

    • Wow. I had to check to make sure I didn’t post this comment. I too miscarried in October, and was asked today (at a funeral no less) when we were trying dor #2. Hope both of us end up with a happier 2014 than 2013!

  2. We have two children and we are very much done. After we had our daughter our entire world changed and we talked about stopping at one. As she grew older the desire to have two resurfaced and we decided to have two. I personally to not have fertility issues, but I do not feel like I have the energy or patience to have more.

  3. To answer the question “why,” how about a gentle “well, it’s a long story, but at the end of it, we’re really happy to have Addison,” or something like that?

    As an only child, I can assure you it’s not a condemnation to social awkwardness or selfishness or whatever else the stereotypes say!

    My biggest complaint is that it’s a bit lonelier, and that there’s an entire “type” of relationship I’ll never have or understand. There are, of course, experiences that an Only never has, but there are also experiences that only Onlies get to have. I suppose my point is that there’s no need to fret about room sharing and whatnot. If those skills are important in your little one’s life, she’ll adapt and learn!

    • That is an excellent idea to answer the “why” question I’m sure to receive again. And I’m glad you pointed out about the experiences that only children get to have. Good to be reminded of that! Thank you so much for sharing!

  4. Elizabeth- kudos to you for writing this post! I know we have talked at length about this before- as we are a one child family too…I often just tell people no and leave it alone. I sometimes wonder, though, why people feel like they need to know the why….

  5. Well, we had 3 kids in under four years so our questions were more along the lines of “when are you going to STOP having kids?” Haha. The bottom line is every family looks different, and that’s a good thing. Addison is going to grow up just fine as an only, and mine are going to grow up fine even though they hardly know what “individual attention” means. I know people are usually harmless, but its better not to question someone’s family planning. 🙂

  6. I saw the link on your blog 🙂 I also am always taken aback when I answer “no” to that question and people who know our story are surprised. I’m like “Um, would YOU want to do that again?” I think you and I are really similar in our situations and I know for me I feel an extra measure at peace about being a one-child family because of how long-awaited and hard-won that only child was 🙂

  7. Great post and Great topic! People ask me ALL THE TIME! I say, “We don’t know.” People actually tell me I “better not do that to Nathaniel and have only one.” or “you HAVE to have more than one.” We’re going to discuss it when Nathaniel is two-years-old. But, it’s kinda like my “supposed to” post. Each mother/family has to do what is best and works for them, according to their individual and unique situations. Why people feel the need to tell other people what they “should” do or what they are “supposed” to do is BEYOND me!!!

  8. As mom of 2 boys, I get “are you gonna try again for a girl?”. While I contemplated fulfilling that lifelong dream, I have since let it go. I am close to 40 and hubby has passed it by. My boys are potty trained, sleep trained and can buckle themselves into the car. They are both in school and thriving. The thought of starting all over…even for that gorgeous baby girl that I have envisioned my entire life….makes me want to curl into the fetal position in a corner.

    Only you know what works for your family. But that doesn’t stop inquiring minds (and mouths).

  9. I also get asked that question very often. I have four boy’s 15, 10, 9,& 1yrs. old. They say look at all of those boys, when are U gonna try for that girl? I just look at them and smh NO MORE FOR ME. They still insist that I try for a girl. I’m the eldest out of four sister’s, so I know how baby girls are. I helped my mother w/ all of my sister’s & I’m satisfied w/ my boys LOL


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