As the oldest of three children, there aren’t very many memories from my childhood that don’t include my brother and sister. As for my husband, the youngest of seven children, most of the stories from his childhood begin with “when my brother and I….” So naturally, one of the first serious conversations we had when we started dating was how many children we each wanted. After some lighthearted joking about wanting ten children, we quickly agreed that two or three would be the perfect number for us in the future. Little did we know, at that time, God had a different plan for us.
In an ideal world, our home would already be filled with the pitter patter of little feet. However, with the challenges that we have faced carrying a baby to term, we realize that, most likely, Addison will be our only child. While on hospitalized bed rest, we, of course, prayed and hoped for the best case scenario, but we also had to be realistic. The cause of my recurrent pregnancy loss was not something that could be easily (and inexpensively) remedied. The experimental treatments that I had before getting pregnant were not covered by insurance and wound up costing a couple of thousand dollars a session. Furthermore, the doctors were not entirely sure those treatments did not contribute to the preterm premature rupture of membrane at fourteen weeks. With that combination, plus learning if you deliver early once, you’re likely deliver early again, we made the difficult decision to remain a one child family.
Now that hasn’t stopped inquiring minds from wondering if we’re going to be giving Addison a little brother or sister anytime soon. I suppose I should feel fortunate that they’ve waited until after she was a year old to start asking. And I admit, I am guilty of asking the same questions to my friends. It’s only human nature to wonder these things. I think what always takes me by surprise, though, is when after they hear my standard “probably not” answer, they ask why. Again, it’s human nature, I guess. But to feel like we have to explain our decision to someone, whether they know our history or not, causes those doubts about our decision to resurface.
These thoughts do not creep in often, but from time to time, they do make an appearance. When faced with those questions, it doesn’t make it easy to think that Addison will not grow up as a big sister or know what it’s like to have to share her room with a younger sibling. But, we certainly have a lot on our plate with some lingering medical issues that we are still facing with Addison’s hip, and our little toddler definitely keeps us on our toes, literally, as her short attention span has her all over the place while she’s learning to walk.
Don’t misunderstand what I am saying. We are eternally grateful for our little miracle girl! We feel blessed that God chose us as her parents, and our lives have been forever changed from the moment she arrived. We will do everything in our power to make sure that she knows that she is loved. I am simply sharing why she will be an only child, unless, of course, God has other plans.