When Crap Happens: Literally

When Crap Happens: Literally

There are struggles that happen in parenting that you just can’t explain. There are situations that just didn’t arise in the examples in the parenting books or the baby classes. But you are in the trenches in this motherhood gig and you have to learn how to deal and cope.When Crap Happens

Let me explain. My 16 month old has developed a new habit of cleaning out her own diaper after she has pooped. It sounds helpful right? Let’s go back to the fact that she is 16 months old. So her idea of cleaning out her diaper translates to poop. every. where.

The first time I was so shocked I just didn’t know what to do. I was home alone with the two kids and cooking dinner. She casually walked into the kitchen from the living room where she was watching Disney Junior with my 5 year old. She said, “mama poo poo.” And boy was she right. Her hands, face, hair and clothes were covered in poop. I was so shocked that all I could do was to clean her up. There was no reaction. I was just stunned.

The second time two days later, I was, again, home alone and cooking dinner. Same situation played out. This time there was less shock, and I was a bit more, let’s say, upset. There may or may not have been a few curse words in there. I had my 5 year old in the walk in shower with me, holding the shower head over her sister while I was trying to get the poop off. And as I was doing this, I could smell dinner burning which lead to the smoke alarm going off. Then my helper started to freak out and abandoned her post. Just in time for the neighbor to start knocking on the door, asking if I was ok. Well, to be frank, no I am not OK. I am covered in poop, she is covered in poop, the bathroom is covered in poop, it was a long day at work and dinner is now garbage.

But I was proud that I rallied and had her, me and the shower cleaned up by the time my husband got home from work. But when he walked in the door, the tears started streaming. I was in no way the parent I wanted to be in the midst of scrubbing poop off her eye lids and praying the house was not burning down.

Never once, has my oldest every tried to do this. And, I know you are thinking that I should put onesies and leggings on to help stop her. Well, let me just tell you that is for rookies. She can take that off like it is no obstacle. We have put her clothes on backwards, pinned her pajamas shut, put layers on top of layers. You name it, we have tried it. She is not taking the diaper off. She is just digging out what is in it, from whatever direction she can get her hand in there. So duct tape can’t even help here.

I know it is just a phase, but this one really sucks. It is just disgusting and really something that I hope your child never does. However, I am getting better at the clean-up process as my little Houdini figures out how to escape whatever outfit we have her rigged in. I just toss the clothes in the trash and scrub her down with no fuss. It has just become a routine, almost.

She got sent home from school last week for wiping her poop on another kid. I can’t imagine that mom’s reaction when they told her why her kid’s clothes where changed that day. I am sorry about it, but even the nursery is at a loss on any new ideas to try to stop her. She is a hard headed, determined little girl.

But I will have my revenge. Throughout this lovely phase I have made sure to take her picture covered in poop, before I clean her up. Because one day this will be an excellent addition to the childhood photos in her rehearsal dinner video.

There are moments in parenting when you are at a loss. And, yup I am certainly there. You have been dealt a hand by your toddler and you don’t know whether to laugh, cry or run screaming out of the house.

It is those days that hopefully you find yourself blinded by true love and their gosh darn cuteness that helps to get you through. I look at my sweet little baby, covered in poop, and her adorable little face is smiling back at me. I love her through and through, but let’s move on to the next stage. Mama is done with this one.


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