I suffered a miscarriage in June of 2014. I have shared my story here and here. As my angel baby’s due date approaches, I have felt an increasing closeness to this child who I lost entirely too soon.
Today, I should be 38 weeks pregnant.
I should be folding freshly washed baby clothes and inhaling that sweet fragrance that comes with it.
I should be feeling my baby move and hiccup.
I should be picking out presents for Mark and Jack from their new sibling.
I should be putting the finishing touches on the nursery.
I should be exhausted from lack of sleep.
I should not be comfortable in a way that the current me envies because it means life is growing inside.
I should be making freezer meals to prepare for babies arrival.
I should be arranging childcare for my boys when George and I head to the hospital.
I should be in regular contact with my doula and have my birth plan written and printed.
I should have my hospital bag packed.
I should be wondering who you will look like and whether you will have hair or not.
I should be weeks away from meeting the child I prayed for and dreamed of.
I am folding clean laundry for two very active little boys, complete with worn out knees and stained shirts.
I am trying to get all the snuggles out of my boys while they are still willing to give them.
I am donating old toys to charity to make room for new ones.
I am dreaming of what I want in my next nursery.
I am exhausted. because of those two toddlers.
I am on the floor for hours a day playing with my two rambunctious boys.
I am cooking homemade meals for my family of four.
I am weeks away from meeting the child I prayed for and dreamed of. It may be many, many weeks (no I am not pregnant), but it is still weeks and I know my family is certainly not complete. I can only hope that God will bless with me another child. Until then, I will remember how fortunate I am to have two healthy children.
This is beautiful, Amanda. Your 3rd child is now your guardian angel and your 4th child will be here in perfect timing.