Should I have another baby?
It’s something I ask myself every day. Multiple times a day, if I’m being honest.
It’s a fleeting thought when I’m washing dishes, when I’m lying in bed at night, when I’m scrolling on my phone and come across the ridiculous amount of baby clothes ads that seem to bombard my screen on a daily basis. When my kids are sick, I feel almost a physical burn of anxiety overwhelm me, with thoughts like “there’s no way I could handle one more!” At the same time, when I see yet another friend post a pregnancy announcement on social media, I cringe a little with jealousy thinking of how easy it may have been for her to get pregnant, and also find myself wishing it was me. I have toddler twins, so maybe that’s why I’m a little hesitant to have another.
Will I have to go through fertility again?
How long will it take?
And the biggest question of all, please God will I have just one baby?
Does my husband even want another (if I’m being completely transparent, he leans more towards the “I’m happy with our two” but happy wife, happy life, right?).
I come from a big family and always wanted my own, but to go through sleep training again, to have a newborn home with toddler siblings bringing home school germs, to work less but to pay more. Realistically, I should be happy with two (yes, blessed with a boy and a girl), but also realistically, I know I want another. There’s a reason I still have a list of baby names saved in my phone notes; there’s a reason I still have an absurd amount of newborn clothes hanging in my kids’ closet. I want one more, but I suppose this is one of the things in life I cannot completely control.
I share these feelings so maybe someone who stumbles upon this knows they aren’t alone. Maybe a lot of us will always wonder about “one more,” maybe we’ll never be sure, but I do hope for those who hope, that it happens for us all when the time is right.
Adrienne Evans is an 11th generation New Orleanian/Louisianian, part-time pediatric nurse, and full-time mama of two-year-old twins, Nate and Elise. She enjoys drinking coffee (especially on playdates with other mamas), Amazon Prime deliveries, cuddling with her toddlers before bedtime, and enjoying rare moments of quiet time and freedom with her husband Steve. She hopes to write a little more on the side in the future, so stay tuned for future articles!