I’m Having a What?: Dealing With the Emotions of Finding Out the Gender of Your Baby

Disclaimer: I wrote this post soon after finding out the gender of my third child. I’ve had sometime to process my emotions. I’m happy to say that I am genuinely excited to add a little boy, especially one who has been surprising me from the very beginning. Bring on the trains, trucks, ninjas, and wrestling! And just maybe his older sisters will teach him something about princesses along the way.

When thinking about what my family would be like, I always imagined girls. Little girls with twirly dresses and pig tails and bows and sparkle shoes. Luckily, I have two amazing little girls that helped to make my dreams become reality. So when I found out that I was (unexpectedly) pregnant with a third child, I automatically assumed it would be another girl. I spent many mornings day dreaming about little baby headbands and tiny dresses that would match with her sisters. Three girls sounded like a lot of work, but it also sounded like so much fun. As my husband says, we run a princess factory!

Baby.jpgWell, due to my advanced maternal age (apparently 35 is over-the-hill), my doctor offered me genetic testing instead of the usual 12 week ultrasound. I decided to do this for a variety of reasons, one of which was the ability to find out the gender early on. The only surprises I like are parties or gifts. My blood was taken the end of June, and I found out the results just after the 4th of July weekend. I have been serving jury duty this month so I had basically been staring at my phone to make sure I didn’t miss the doctor’s call.

When his office did call, my stomach filled with butterflies and I suddenly got nervous. Would this baby be healthy? Would they tell me everything is alright? Would it be another girl? I was overjoyed to learn that the baby was healthy and had no signs of the genetic markers being tested. Then the nurse asked if I wanted to know the gender. Of course I did! So she told me.

This baby is going to be a boy.

The words out of my mouth were,”Wait. What? Are you sure?” She assured me that it would be a boy. I thanked her and hung up. After hanging up the phone, I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach. A boy? How is that possible? We don’t have boys. We have girls. I mean what am I going to do with a boy?? And clothes… now I have to go find cute, non-smocked, non-appliqued clothes for a boy. Clothes that don’t have words or trucks or animals or any of the things I don’t like on them.

And then my thoughts turned to my oldest daughter. She insisted that this baby was a girl and that her name would be Luna (for the record: I would never let my 4 year old chose the name of my child). My heart sank even further because I knew she would be disappointed as well. I gathered my emotions and called my husband to tell him. He was just as shocked as I was. We talked for a few minutes and then decided that we would deal with it all later, when we could have an actual conversation.

The truth is, I was completely disappointed.

I had hoped that I would have one last go-round with baby headbands and all things pink. I wanted another girl to add to my brood. It would be easier, logistically, if it was a girl since I work at an all-girl school. Now there will be at least one year of 3 different schedules, morning drop-offs, and pick-ups. Thinking about it logically, all these reasons seem petty. Yet, I can’t get past the fact that I will not be having another girl. After all of my fertility struggles, I should just be happy for being part of the, “Buy 2 Get 1 Free,” club.  And it’s not that I am not happy, but I am still adjusting to the idea of a boy. To be honest, I’ve never even changed the diaper of a little boy. And I went to a bris once and almost passed out with the thought of all that was happening. I am glad I have the next 5 months to get used to the idea of a sweet boy. I know postpartum would not have been my time to work through these emotions.

There is one aspect of a boy that I am looking forward to though: a Star Wars watching buddy.

Were you disappointed when you found out the gender of your baby? How did you work through it? And more importantly, do you have any suggestions for cute, non-smocked, non-appliqued boy clothes?


  1. I REALLY wanted a girl, but knew in my heart that I was having a boy. At the anatomy scan, my husband videotaped the nurse telling me the sex in case it was a girl. He wanted to have the tears and excitement on tape. Instead, in the video you hear the nurse tell me it’s a boy and then you see the camera go from my face to the floor really quickly. 🙂 That said, I love having a boy! And I know that if I ever get a girl, she will be so lucky have an awesome big brother like Ben.

  2. Megan, it’s so brave of you to share these feelings! I was also floored about having a baby boy – I mean, what on earth to do with him?! It’s 3.5 years since he was born, and I still wake up every day wondering how I had a boy, but for completely different reasons. He has escaped our house in less than 30 seconds to cross St.Charles and Hampson on his way to the donut store ALONE at age 2. Painted the Persian cat with peanut butter. Gone through a “#2 as wall art” phase. Turned (breakable) teacups into trains. Decided he was a saber tooth tiger for a month. Peed in public at the playground. And he will climb on top of the refrigerator if that’s where we hide the cake. Just to name a few shinanigans… Of course, the adventures are wonderful because he has an unparalleled confidence without fear, sees the world as his personal race car, and has an imagination to rival Dennis the Menace LOL. And he LOVES. HIS. MOMMA. in a way that is completely different than my two girls. You will have adventures with this little boy that you never imagined! My prayers are with you as you start this amazing journey as part of the “Moms with Boys” club 🙂 It’s an amazing group to be a part of and will open completely new doors in your world! Again, thank you for sharing your feelings!

  3. I found out for all 3. With the first, I wanted a girl and was so disappointed to find out it was a boy. With the second, I still wanted a girl, and was again disappointed to find out there was another boy. By the time I found out for number 3, I had resolved having 3 boys would be easier than adding a girl, and was again disappointed when I finally got “my girl!”. Of course, I wouldn’t trade my 3 for anything in the world!

    Your girls are going to love their little brother (I have a younger sister and younger brother – so the 2-1 combo you’ll have!), and if he’s anything like MY little brother – he’ll get to boast that he grew up with 3 “moms” hovering over his every move and doing everything for him! lol! Best of luck to you – having 3 is great fun!

  4. I kept imagining that I’d have a boy. I was taken aback when I found out that my little one is a girl. (I am in my third trimester now.) I am used to the idea now, but it took a month to adjust to the news and now I am excited. I am a tomboy, but even if she ends up being a girly girl and likes all the princess stuff, I will love her for who she is. I do still worry that she’ll inherit my health issues. Females have a much higher chance of all my issues than males do. No one else in my family has any of my health issues, so maybe I should just stop worrying so much.

  5. I’ll admit, after two girls, I’m going to be very sad if we DON’T get a boy next time.

    Good advice for clothes: Threadless. They have awesome, unique baby clothes.

  6. I already have 1 girl and now pregnant with my second, I really hoped to have a boy, my husband really wanted a boy and even though I was use to girls a boy would be fun. When we went for the scan we found out another girl I was so scared that my husband would be upset and it took a few weeks but I am happy ill have a little girl ( we have way to many boys in the family) and my husband assured me he is just destined to populate the world with pretty, smart little girls

  7. Thank you for all of your support. We really are excited now that the shock has worn off. Even my oldest talks about her baby “brudder.” And I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who has felt this way. 🙂

  8. I knew instantly that I was having a boy and it was confirmed at my 20 week scan. He is my first, and we will have at least one more, so I can’t say that I was disappointed. Talk to me after the 20 week scan of my next one!

    Baby Gap has amazing little-man clothes. Carter’s it hit or miss for things without appliques and such. I will say, my little man is only 12 months old, but I LOVE buying him superhero and Star Wars tshirts. I am a girly girl and know zero about above said characters, but there is something about the vintage appeal of such shirts. 🙂 Additionally, a six month old in a Fedora and suspenders? TO. DIE. FOR!

  9. The first time I heard boy, I was shocked. I had a couple of miscarriages and was happy to be pregnant again. However, what was I supposed to do with a boy. I got over it and all was well. The second time I heard “it’s a boy” I was sad. Sad because we were only going to have 2 kids and I would never get to have a daughter. It was hard but I learned to accept it. Then, after a few years, we decided to try again. I tried so hard to not get my hopes up. But, I did. And then I heard “it’s a boy” for the 3rd time and I cried. I cried for weeks and I felt like a horrible, awful person for feeling the way I felt. I love all 3 of my boys very much. And I still struggle with knowing I will never have a daughter, one that I had imagined for as long as I can remember. My boys will never appreciate Disney Princesses and I will never love sports or video games. But, my older boys like art, so we do that. My baby boy loves to snuggle. I have a beautiful life, it just isn’t what I had imagined.


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