How to be a Perfect Mom {In 74 Easy Steps}

Have you ever wondered how you can be a perfect mom? Do you find yourself stressed over every painstaking decision you have to make when it comes to childrearing? Fear not!How to Be a Perfect Mom{In 74 Easy

 

After 7 years of parenting on the Internet, I have found the simple steps to being a perfect mom, beginning with the moment you get pregnant. Follow these steps exactly, and you will be the best mom ever.

  1. Tell everyone right away
  2. Wait until you are at least 12 weeks
  3. Find out the gender during the anatomy scan
  4. Be surprised in the delivery room
  5. Throw an over the top gender reveal party
  6. Get a 3D ultrasound
  7. Avoid all ultrasounds
  8. Have a home birth
  9. Have a medicated hospital birth
  10. Have a drug free hospital birth
  11. Have a water birth
  12. Deliver at a birth center
  13. Circumcise
  14. Don’t circumcise
  15. Become a stay at home mom
  16. Work outside the home
  17. Work at home
  18. Breastfeed
  19. Formula feed
  20. Pump
  21. Cosleep
  22. Sleep train
  23. Have your daughter’s ears pierced
  24. Wait until your daughter asks to pierce her ears
  25. Use disposable diapers
  26. Use cloth diapers
  27. Get a wipe warmer
  28. Make your own wipes
  29. Babywear
  30. Use a stroller
  31. Rear face until your child is 14
  32. Bike everywhere…while babywearing
  33. Make baby food
  34. Buy baby food
  35. Skip baby food and opt for baby led weaning
  36. Grow your own baby food
  37. Stick to a schedule
  38. Go with the flow
  39. Use time outs
  40. Use gentle discipline
  41. Vaccinate
  42. Don’t vaccinate
  43. Selectively Vaccinate
  44. Feed only organic, whole foods
  45. Let them live off chicken nuggets for a year or two
  46. Be a bedtime Nazi
  47. Let them find their own sleep cycle
  48. Send them to private school
  49. Homeschool
  50. Send them to public school
  51. Helicopter parent
  52. Free range parent
  53. Avoid all screen time
  54. Play video games with them
  55. Enroll them in multiple extracurricular activities
  56. Don’t overschedule them
  57. Do big birthdays every year
  58. Invite only family for birthdays
  59. Keep your house immaculate
  60. Let the house get messy because babies don’t keep
  61. Make Pinterest worthy Valentine crafts for the class
  62. Opt out of the school’s secret Santa festivities
  63. Lean in
  64. Lean out
  65. Impart your religious beliefs
  66. Let them find their own path
  67. Get your pre-baby body back
  68. Don’t focus on your looks
  69. Rock a bikini
  70. Be modest
  71. Help them with school projects
  72. Let them figure it out on their own
  73. Dress your child in smocks
  74. Dress your child like a little adult

There you have it! By adhering to this list in its entirety, you will cover the spectrum on what constitutes a great mom. Remember though, there is no place for wiggle room. You must do all of the above or someone, somewhere will deem you a failure. Good luck, mama. You’ve got this!

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Myndee is a 35ish year old New Orleans area native. She's an author, speaker and self-love advocate. As an introverted extrovert, Myndee loves being part of the generation where most of her friends live in her computer. She and her husband, Luis, live just outside the city with their three kids.

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