My husband’s recent Facebook post stated it perfectly: “5 years ago we were dining at French Laundry, now I’m negotiating with a 3 year old over how many chicken nuggets she must eat before she can have a chocolate covered marshmallow.” The setting was a lunch at Walt Disney World. For the past few weeks, meal time has been a never-ending battle that I am determined to win. I don’t ask a lot of my child, but I do want her to eat the healthy food I put in front of her before moving on to something else. Or, for a change, eating a meal and not begging for a snack 15 minutes later.
Before I had kids, I swore I would never be the mom who made separate meals for my kids or fed them chicken nuggets if they didn’t like what was put in front of them. And, as the saying goes, “The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray.” Here I am, making separate meals for my daughter. Instead of just making a family dinner, I’ve started feeding her and my other daughter earlier and making a separate meal (or take out) for me and my husband, which we eat after the kids go to bed. Some days after school, I’ll take the kids to Whole Foods and let them even pick out their own dinner. One will always get mac and cheese with veggies, the other picks a baby pizza and salad bar. My issue isn’t about getting them to eat veggies. Both of my kids actually like veggies. It’s about getting the older one to eat when I put food in front of her and not asking for a snack 10 minutes later. Or saying, “Eat 5 bites and then you can have a treat.”
The endless snacking just bothers me. From the moment I pick up my daughter from the carpool line, to the time she goes to bed, I feel like it’s one endless ask for a snack even though she just ate dinner (or whatever meal). I thought for a while she wasn’t eating lunch at school, but I found out that she actually likes the hot lunch at school. She also gets a snack before lunch and a snack after nap time. And, if she stays late, a snack at aftercare. Yet, the very second she gets in my car she asks for a snack. Lately, I’ve tried to curb this constant asking but it doesn’t work. She just asks again 5 minutes later, acting like I might have forgoten that she just asked me!
So here I am, looking for help, guidance, and anything else you might have to offer. A lady at the store overheard me telling my daughter that if she was hungry she should have eaten her lunch. The lady gave me some interesting advice: pack up the food and bring it with you to offer or leave the food out for them to eat when they want. I am going to try these as much as possible, but with two small dogs and a walking baby, it’s hard to just leave food out. It usually gets thrown on the floor or eaten by the dogs. At this point though, I’m willing to try anything. So please, leave suggestions, advice, or just support to end the snacking now.
I can’t wait to see what suggestions others have because we are entering this phase with Andrew. He doesn’t want to sit still for a meal, instead he wants to run amok and snack on everything and feed it to the dog and that drives me bonkers!!!
I totally understand that “best laid plans” feeling! I’ve lived abroad and the whole “constant snacking” thing is definitely 100% American. However, if you only offer healthy snacks, maybe they will ask less? I’d recommend reducing all the processed-type snacks that are popular in the US (goldfish, crackers, cheerios, etc.) and only offering real food snacks like fruit, cheese, and nuts (if they are old enough). That way, even if they do snack a lot it is still nutrituous and not empty calories.
Andrea- I offer fruit often as well as things like carrots and hummus or cheese. She eats all that. She also loves pistachios. She does eat snack snacks too. But what I really want is for the grazing to end. We feed her healthy dinners. Last night she had half of a NY Strip steak and green beans and some Probugs squeeze yogurt as a snack. But then she wanted a cookie….
This is SO hard for me too – esp now. she still has halloween candy left (i have a problem throwing food out) and there are holiday cookies and muffins every few days at events and friends’ houses. at least we don’t have those kids that “wont eat” or live on air, right? that would stress me out too. Good that she likes the lunch at school, means she CAN try different things. Snacks becoming a battle/rewards worries me too, having had my own food issues. i concur w/ the real food. unlimited for Fruit, nuts,veg sticks.
If you know that she has eaten a full meal, then just deny the snacks. I know this is easier said than done but sounds like more of a habit than a need to eat. It may take some trying days but I think in the end it would pay off.
You could also try limiting eating to being at the table (we use a booster seat right now so our 2 y/o is strapped in) and not eating while playing or watching tv. Then you would truly see if she was still hungry and not just grazing to graze.
Just a few thoughts… good luck!
I swore I would never be the mom that made a separate meal either..yet here I am. I love the French Laundry to toddler meal time reflection!
We have this problem too, and lately it’s an obsession over granola bars. It’s all the little one wants to eat. I am currently telling him that they are ONLY for breakfast. One thing that DOES work, is that we never have dessert. There is never a treat for finishing their dinner, only that they get to go play. I never remember having dessert as a kid, except at holidays. I remember when I started babysitting in high school and learning that kids got dessert on a regular night, I was shocked! ha! Anyway we don’t do dessert, and it works for us. I like the idea of not having the junky snacks, but I can’t go cold-turkey on granola bars b/c they are the perfect breakfast for my lifestyle right now.
When I was nannying, we used pictures of clocks showing the time and a picture of what she would do at that time. So say 11:30 is lunch, there was a picture of lunch and nap and snack etc. so when she would ask for a snack, point to the clock/clock picture. The routine helped curb the requests knowing when snack was coming and that it would, in fact, come. Hope that makes sense. Not sure i explained it well.
Megan, I am right there with you!!! I know Carter is the same age as your little snacker. All he wants is a snack before, after or even instead of dinner or lunch. it is maddening. I do try and leave out what he hasn’t finished but usually, either baby sis or the dog snatch it at some point.
The whining that follows the incessant snack requests is what really starts things at our house.
Wonder if he has a tape worm…. Or a hole in his foot. Sigh. if only it were an easy fix like those 2 scenarios……
I posted this response on your FB post but thought I would share on the blog as well!
This sounds like my life to the T! We are going through the same problem with my 3 year old. My resolution has been to feed her dinner when we get home from the carpool line! I find it decreases the snack request. I also give her fruit, yogurt, or almonds for snacks now as opposed to the crackers and animal cookies that I used to give her when she was younger. I don’t feel as bad giving her healthier options. I truly believe that most kids are hungry when leaving school because of the energy they burn both mentally and physically! I feel bad limiting her when she asks for a snack. I prefer to give something more wholesome.