From Merriam Webster:
Sanctimommy: Definition: a mother who points out perceived faults in the parenting of others.
From Urban Dictionary:
Sanctimommy: Looks down at and/or judges parents who don’t make the same choices. A combination of the words “sanctimonious” and “mommy”
I have a confession. Before I had my kid and even when I was pregnant, I was a sanctimommy. I always talked about how I would “never let my kid eat chicken nuggets” and how “I will never let my kid act like that obnoxious kid in the checkout line at Wal-Mart.”
It was not soon after my son was born that I realized I was a jerk before, especially when I had comments directed at me when I stopped nursing or because I was a worried mess while I suffered with postpartum anxiety. As my son got older, it got to me even more, letting comments on his milestones, (or lack thereof), eating habits, and the fact that I was working instead of staying home cause me to question myself as a mother.
Now, almost 4 years into parenting, and three years into this blogging gig with New Orleans Moms Blog, I’ve seen some pretty rude stuff from people that would argue that they aren’t, but are most definitely, SANCTIMOMMIES.
If you are wondering if you been speaking like a sanctimomy, here are some examples.
You know this one. She will tell you that she NEVER has to correct her kids in public because they never act up. Let’s be realistic. All kids are different. It’s a fact, and if someone honestly thinks that their kid is always a perfect angel 100% of the time, never throws tantrums, and never needs discipline, then they are living under a rock. A kid may be a perfect angel one day and act like a complete maniac another day. Don’t try to pretend like your kids have been perfect all of the time, because if they haven’t thrown an epic tantrum yet, you are in for it when they do.
Seriously? So you are saying you have never hid in a closet to eat that last fun size Snicker bar from your kids because you wanted just ONE MINUTE of quiet to enjoy each peanutty-nougat bite? Or that you don’t pretend you have to take a poop and lock everyone out just so you can have 10 minutes to yourself with no interruptions? Moms Night Out is like 150 times better with BOOZE and FOOD! And you can use the bathroom ALONE all you want and eat all of the chocolate your heart desires and your kids won’t throw a tantrum while you eat it. Oh, wait, I forgot, your kids don’t throw tantrums.
You have never met me or seen me care for my child; however, you are going to assume that because I chose to stop (or not) breastfeed my child, I don’t love them. Ok, so let’s forget that I had postpartum anxiety and was on the verge of some serious mental issues. Or, maybe let’s talk about another mom who had a double mastectomy and breast cancer before she got pregnant. Even more so, what if a mom’s child is born lactose intolerant? Or maybe a mother doesn’t produce milk. My point is, I guess people who spout off this statement base the value of my love on how I feed my kid, not how I nurture? In their mind, so what if I cuddle my child every day, read to him, sing to him, provide a roof over his head, guidance, respect and kindness. Based on this statement, I don’t love my kid. So, if your mom didn’t breastfeed you, you’re saying she didn’t LOVE YOU? That’s messed up.
After seeing those, do you get where I am going with this? Some of the comments are ridiculous and extreme, but they are honestly comments we come across. Sometimes, those comments that are made can come across really rude. As contributors at the blog, one thing we have to prepare ourselves for is negative comments on our posts. While we try to develop a thick skin and not let them bother us, the fact is, we are REAL people, with REAL feelings. Everyone (including YOU reading this) has her own personal issues and insecurities. As bloggers, we go out on a limb to share with you all in the hopes that it will help someone else into not feeling alone, because let’s face it, sometimes, motherhood can be really lonely.
The one thing we can ask you to do is THIS: Before you post, T.H.I.N.K. … is it True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, or Kind?
If not, then you may be coming across like a sanctimommy.