Why We Decided to Keep the Dog and Get Rid of the Kid

Disclaimer: This post is clearly not meant to be taken literally. We love our son dearly and do not plan to get rid of him, obviously. On the flip side, our dog is pretty awesome, too. I thought I’d share why we’ve decided to keep our fur baby even after our human baby came along. 

Five years ago, I was sitting in my OBGYN’s office, talking about our upcoming preparations for baby. As my husband and I discussed our bringing home baby plans, we mentioned the fur baby at home – a six-year-old chocolate lab. Point blank, the doctor said our fur baby would quickly drop to “dog” status. Yup, once we brought home baby, our beloved pet would turn into nothing but a hassle. No love. No attention.

Why even keep her?

Turns out, our doctor was right. Things did change. I understood why parents got so upset when people referred to their pets as children. A dog isn’t the same as a human child! They are so so so SO MUCH EASIER! If given the choice, I’d keep the dog, hands down. Here’s are a few reasons why:

The dog follows a predictable schedule.

Each night, at 9:00, she makes her way to her room and goes to sleep. She can’t tell time, but she knows when it’s time to go to bed. There’s no request for a bedtime story. No “I have to go potty” or “Can I have a drink of water?” She just goes to sleep, and it is glorious.

The dog was potty trained under one year old.

This human child took THREE YEARS! Also, the dog showed genuine remorse when she had an accident in the living room. The child refused to believe it was, in fact, his poop smooshed under the door.

The dog eats her dinner without complaint.

Whatever I put in front of her, she eats in under 2 minutes flat. The child, however, takes at least thirty minutes to eat dinner, usually with much bribery, reminders, and threats.

The dog requires ZERO daycare.

We can leave the dog home without a babysitter. She’ll be there when we get back, and the house will be intact. Chances are, she took a nice long nap while we were away.

The dog willingly gets in the car if she does leave with us.

There’s no shoes or jacket to worry about, and we don’t have to count to three to get her to the door. We simply open the door, and she runs into the backseat. Sure, she might leave a bunch of fur on the seat and slobber on the windows, but it’s something I’ll overlook for not having to drag her out the house.

Lastly, she brings joy to our home.

She might drive us nuts, just like the kid, but she’s our fur baby. She has been around for a while and is part of our family.

Jaime Mackey
Originally from Florida, Jaime has lived in Southern Louisiana for most of her life (so, that makes her a local, right?). She currently resides on the Northshore with her husband and son and teaches high school English. An enneagram 5, you'll most likely find her doing hot yoga solo, on her phone researching a random topic or sitting in the comfort of her home with coffee and a book within an arm's reach.


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