Recently, as Jane has gained her mobility, so also has she gained her independence. She is no longer satisfied sitting in my lap, nor does she want help turning the pages of her board books. She prefers crawling towards dangerous objects over being nestled safely in my arms. I know that all of this is normal, and I want her to be a smart, inquisitive, independent girl. I just didn’t realize how quickly it would all go. I didn’t realize how quickly she would grow up.
Last week, I was having a particularly hard time with this. More than once, Jane actually pushed my face away when I was giving her kisses. I know she doesn’t mean to hurt my feelings, she’s just a baby, but it broke my heart. I emailed my mom when I got to work to share my mommy despair. “How can my baby not need me anymore?”
To pick my day up, I decided to pop into my parents’ house and have lunch with my Dad and Jane. We played and laughed, and as Jane got tired, we rocked. I took her to the nursery to put her to sleep, and I decided to lay down with her for just a moment. I put her on my chest and sang softly to her, and she started to relax her busy little bones. And just like that, she closed her bright eyes and went to sleep. I knew I should get up. I knew I should get back to work. But all of the things I had to do could wait. Not forever. But, they could wait long enough for me to take in this special moment with my baby.
She will not need me forever, this I know. But, as long as I am living, my baby she’ll be.