My Miscarriage: Dear Baby… {Part One of Two}

baby#3PT1FINALSeveral weeks ago, I suffered my first miscarriage.

I was 5 weeks and one day pregnant. It was devastating and heartbreaking and although I am writing this post, it is immensely difficult to articulate my thoughts. But these are my feelings and this is my journey. Below is a letter I wrote to my baby during the miscarriage. Once I knew in my heart what was happening, I grabbed a pen and started writing. Writing is my therapy.

Dear my sweet baby, 

I had to write this letter to you when all the emotions were still fresh, while they were still raw. I have written letters to your brothers when I found out I was pregnant with them. My heart breaks that you will never get to read this letter. You are slipping away from me faster than I imagined. 

I have only known about you for eight days but oh, how I love you. I loved you as soon as I saw that extra blue line on that piece of plastic. You were my miracle. After explaining your conception story to my doctor, she described you as “meant to be.” That is exactly how I pictured you and what you are to me. In eight days, I dreamed of what you would bring to our family. This baby, who was meant to be mine…who defied the statistical odds. I thought, what a wonderful statistic to be a part of. Now, what I wouldn’t give to not be lumped into the group of heartbroken mothers I now find myself in. In just eight days I imagined the excitement, joy and love you would add to our family. As you know, I already have two beautiful baby boys who have brought me more happiness and enriched my life forever. I knew that in a matter of time, eight more months precisely, you would do the same; how overjoyed I was. 

I know eight days seems like nothing at all, but in that time I thought of you every waking moment. I even dreamed of you. What would you look like? Would you jump right in and play with your big brothers, or would they be your protectors? Would you be another boy to steal my heart or would you be that daughter I have dreamed of? Would you make it to your due date and share a birthday with daddy? I’ll never know the answers.

I am so sorry I will never get to hold you. I will never get to hear your heartbeat. I will never get to kiss your sweet face. I will never get to smell your baby’s breath. I will never get to nurse you. I am sorry you will never get to play with your big brothers, and I am sorry they will never get to play with you. I am sorry you will never get to hear your daddy read a Dr. Seuss book. I am sorry my body failed you and that I could not protect you.

My sweet sweet baby, I want you know that for those eight days and for the rest of my life, I love you. I am thankful for the one week I got to hold you inside of my body. Even if it will never be enough. I love you, always and forever.



 Click here if you would like to read part two of Amanda’s touching story and thoughts regarding her miscarriage. 



  1. Hugs momma. You are wonderfully brave writing this and sharing this with us. Give yourself lots of time to grieve….dont let anyone tell you how you should feel or how long you should be be sad. Will be thinking of you.

    • Thank you Jessica. Every day is “easier” but then it will hit me like a ton of bricks. Thank you for your kind words.

  2. I’m so so sorry to hear of your loss. I had a miscarriage six years ago. I was 6 weeks along. I still think about that little baby.
    I pray for your healing.

  3. Amanda, I am so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself in this statistic, that which NO mother would choose. I wanted to say, though – your body did NOT fail that baby. There is nothing you did (or didn’t do) that caused this, sweet friend. Prayers, tears, wine and reaching out when you need it will help the grieving process but be patient with yourself and give yourself grace. Miscarriages, regardless of how early, are heartbreaking.

  4. I’m so sorry for you and your family as you mourn the loss of your baby. I lost my first baby at 9 weeks, and I know how awful and heartbreaking it is. Thank you for being brave and sharing your letter with us. I hate that anybody goes through this, but it is a comfort to know that we’re not alone.

    • Allison, thank you. And I couldn’t agree more. Although I hate that any mother has to go through it, at least we can do so together,

  5. I am deeply sorry for your loss! Every loss is painful no matter how early. Thank you for sharing your story. I will keep you in prayer! ♥ My very first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and I can still recall with painful clarity how devastating it was. My husband bought me a necklace a with a pregnancy loss ribbon charm and that was so special to me and gave me a way to keep that baby close to my heart. I still light a candle in the window for him or her every year on the anniversary of the loss. (((hugs))) to you.

    • Becca, thank you. I honestly had not thought much about the anniversary but what a beautiful way to honor your angel baby. I think I will do the same.

  6. I am sorry that you have joined the very large group of mama’s who will never hold our babies. Your emotional and raw words, though very sad, are also beautiful. Sending healing thoughts your way for your journey through this terrible grief.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here