I told someone last week that I wasn’t sad that my kids were both going to full-time school for the first time. I have to apologize. I lied. That was a big, fat lie. I believed it at the time. I must have had myself convinced since I can’t get anything done with them at home. Initially, all I could see was a new world where I could get work done, clean up, be more organized and maybe drink hot coffee.
Well, that party in my head was short-lived.
It was replaced with a massive lump in my throat and a sick stomach. I couldn’t figure out what was bothering me. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. My 5 year old and 3 year old are both going to full-time school for the first time.
It’s the end of a chapter
I’m a ball of emotions and I didn’t expect to be. Suddenly, everything we do feels like a last. Where the heck did the time go?
- It is the last time they will run this errand with me.
- The last time they will snuggle in my bed at noon
- The last time they will be eating lunch with MiMi or Maw Maw in the middle of the day
So here is what I did:
Everything they asked for
- Yes, you can have that bag of powdered donuts
- Sure, you can stay up until 10:00
- One more show on the iPad? Absolutely!
- More marshmallows in your lucky charms? Oh yes, yes!
Call me overindulgent and I see a giant picture of my mother in my head.
The Good News:
- I am more present. We all are more present together. There has been a sudden shift in my mind that has reminded me to be present with them as much as possible
- We are singing songs a little louder
- We have been rolling down the windows in the car because they love this
- It has been a giant lovefest
- I can tell you exactly how many times my 3-year-old has told me he loves me between 7 am and 10 am
- I have cried silently as I am grieving the end of this chapter, but I am also so proud of their growth and this nodal event in their lives
- I am switching my schedule around to be more available to them in the evenings
- The hugs and kisses are especially sweet this week
- We are all starting a new journey and there will be many new milestones to celebrate