Dating and the Single Mom Part 3: Sex and the Single Mom

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Alright, relationship status single moms. Are you ready for this? You will be having sex AGAIN. And sex because you want it. Not because you are trying to get pregnant. Or because it’s your anniversary. Goodbye obligatory sex, hello new you! You are single and you can literally do whatever you want. Has that sunk in yet? You may be thinking, “Oh no not me. I don’t have an interest in sex. Oh, my ex-husband only ever cared about sex, that is not me.” Your body begs to differ.

You are a vibrant, beautiful, interesting woman. You also happen to be a mom. But you are first YOU. And this time in your life is a chance to embrace yourself, your body, and what you absolutely are worthy of, intimacy.

Let’s talk bodies.

sexWe aren’t 25 anymore, and boy it shows. And you know what, who cares? You know what goes along with that c-section scar? The confidence only a woman your age contains.

If self-assuredness is a new concept, it’s time to embrace it. This may be the greatest lesson in loving yourself. You may prefer your stomach looks different, but you are still showing up fully for an intimate experience without lamenting or apologizing for your body. You are giving man access to share an experience with you; he is lucky no matter how many stretch marks.

But if I am single, should I be having sex?

This is definitely a personal choice. But the title of the article indicates, well … yes. You can enjoy sex on your terms. Have an old college pal who’s also divorced and perhaps you both could use some company? Drop him a line to see if  he wants to catch up and see what unfolds. The caveat is that you understand and know YOU. Do you equate sex with love? Will getting involved with a man trigger emotional attachment? Do you want to be monogamous with a man, even when still in the beginning stages of dating? These are important considerations and conversations to have with your date up front.

If you prefer to wait, do not be afraid the man will lose interest in you and stop calling. If he does, then you’re welcome for the spoiler alert of this person’s true character.

What about STIs?

Ask questions. It’s not rude. We are all adults here, so ask your partner, “Do you have or have you had any sexually transmitted infections?” It might feel embarrassing, but you can practice how you can bring it up with a friend. Educate yourself on the types of STI’s, because many are quite common and have no serious health impact, just a bad stigma. If you yourself have an STI, you are no less a valuable catch and wanted to share intimate fun experiences with as well. You are more than your STI; the right man will still be grateful and excited to be with you. Determine the right time before having sex when to share any pertinent information.

Have a Friend Who You Can Talk Candidly About Sex

Some of your friends may be great support systems for your newly single status. They may want to hear all the details from a date. Some may not. Dating and having sex to some of your mom friends is a completely foreign subject and they would rather talk about monograms and playdates. Please do not take it as an indication of anything else other than you need to find someone else to confide in.

Find a friend who you can have CANDID conversations to discuss all things related to sex, from being nervous to have sex with your new man for the first time to what are these “intimacy shops” in town all about and should I pay one a visit. (p.s. this mom says yes.)

Being Respected

Your standards of respect are as high in the board room as they are in the bedroom. Valuing yourself, living life on your own terms, and feeling good about yourself unconditionally is priority. Whenever a man, sexually speaking or not, does not make you feel good about yourself, stop responding or going after him. If he is “sometimes” responsive or “sometimes” reaches out and “sometimes” does not work for you, then you should put your energy elsewhere. If a man wants to connect with you, whether for casual fun or for more, he will reach out. If you are okay with casual, then great! But if your feelings are getting hurt and you don’t know why he’s not calling and asking to see you, it’s because there is another man so eager and excited to meet you. He’s just waiting for you to let go of Mr. Sometimes.

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