Why I No Longer Have Expectations Since Becoming a Mother

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When I entered my new role as a mother, I felt like I had an awakening, despite the sleep deprivation. It took me about nine months, but once I accepted that I should not have expectations from anyone, including myself, any negative attitude I felt or resentment I harbored seem to disappear. You might be asking yourself, “what does she mean?”

I don’t expect our children to be…

Smart. Some say genes have a role on how “smart” a child will be based on their genes. However, I don’t expect our children to be smart because my husband and I achieved higher degrees, our financial status, nor the success of other families members. I believe their success will be derivative of the tools, resources, examples and time we invest in and with them as they grow into adulthood. Leaving their intellectual growth in the hands of others or based on circumstances will not necessarily help them become happy and intelligent beings unless we as parents invest wholeheartedly and sacrifice our time and energy helping them grow.

1506 Why I No Longer Have Expectations Since Becoming a MotherI don’t expect my husband to…

Read my mind. Just like most husbands out there, mine has as many responsibilities as I do, if not more. Why add mind reader to the list? Being passive aggressive, giving “hints,” or leaving “signs” is just too much energy, and why not just come out and say it? I cannot blame him when he doesn’t do something I have not asked of him. And even then, I cannot expect it will be done on my terms unless I share my expectations.

I don’t expect others…

To reciprocate play dates, invitations or acts of kindness. When I invite or do an act of kindness towards friends, family and acquaintances, I do not expect anything in return. It would defeat my motivation, and so I choose to be around those that feel the same, because with a full plate already, the last thing I have time for is “keeping track” of who invited who to the last dinner invitation, play date, birthday party, etc. I want my children to learn and live their lives wanting to do something for others and not expecting anything in return. It is when you expect something in return that it leads to hurt feelings, false expectations, and unhealthy relationships.

I don’t expect to have time…

To myself. As with any new mother, the new role is overwhelming and a newborn needs constant attention. It is physically and emotionally draining, but I have found that as they grow, they need me even more. I don’t take for granted the moments I do have to myself, from riding in the car alone to taking showers, because those alone time moments can be far and in between.

I don’t expect to agree with…

Everyone’s advice. I don’t agree with everyone all the time, but why would I? Our opinions are formulated by experiences and knowledge from research and speaking with others. I don’t expect to agree with others just like I don’t expect others to agree with me. Diversity of opinions is what makes the world go round.

I don’t expect help…

Taking care of or raising our kids. Even when family members graciously babysit our children, I don’t expect them to arrive on time nor remember to bathe, brush their teeth, or be patient enough to feed them their vegetables. In the end, it is my husband and I’s responsibility to parent.

I don’t expect others to…

Like me, much less agree with my parenting style. Motherhood has given me even more confidence in myself and my beliefs. I want our children to learn that it does not matter what others think of us but to be confident in their convictions.

I don’t expect others to…

Stop at a stop sign. What I mean by this example is that I have witnessed others rolling past four way stop signs, cutting in a line in front of handicapped and expectant mothers, intoxicated drivers on the road, and others who have decided to create a third lane on the highway. It keeps me on my toes while we are out and about because others don’t have my family’s best interest in mind.

What are some other examples of expectations you no longer have since becoming a mother?

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