“Balance” is a Lie and You Deserve to Know Why

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I was walking into my favorite clothing boutique a while back when I heard a voice behind me. It said, “Hey! have you seen balance? I can’t find it. Do you know what it looks like?”

I stopped and thought to myself, “Ugh, no! I’ve been chasing it forever and can’t find it either.”

But instead I turned around and said, “uh … what?”

… and then embarrassed, I realized the voice was in my head the whole time.

And that’s when it hit me. If only I knew what balance looked like, then maybe I could find it.

But what did balance look like?

Turns out, I had no idea. And if you asked me about balance in real-life a few years ago, I’d’ve looked at you like a deer in the headlights. I wouldn’t have recognized balance even if it smacked me in the face.

But that was before the cancer diagnosis at the age of 25 taught me that life’s too short to spend it stressed, overwhelmed, and burnt out.

That was before I realized that the success I had as a result of my workaholism cost me big time in other areas of my life: my health, my family, and my relationships.

And sitting here today, I’m happy that I have a different story to tell you.

But I have to be honest: if you’ve been looking for more balance in your life, you won’t find it.

It’s not because you haven’t been trying (Lord knows you have!)

It’s because balance doesn’t *actually* exist.

Our culture wants you believe that it does though, so it can keep selling you thing after thing. It wants you to believe that those things will give you a happy life so that it can profit on your glimmer of hope that if you just keep chasing this elusive thing called balance, then one day it’ll appear.

Our culture has tricked you into thinking that to have more, you have to do more. To have it all, you have to do it all.

But have you ever noticed how in the next breath, our culture also guilt trips you into believing that you’re somehow failing because everything in your life feels so out of balance?

After all, to be successful means to have it all and have balance. Doesn’t it?

Nope. It’s all a lie.

And today, I’m going to tell you the truth about balance. It’s pretty simple, actually (lucky for us!)

Here’s what you need to know:

  • Balance isn’t something you “find”… because it’s not something that’s lost 
  • Balance doesn’t exist outside of you … because it already exists inside of you
  • Balance is a feeling … not a thing. And it’s a feeling that’s unique to you! What balance looks like for you will look totally different than it does for someone else — and that’s ok.

It’s time to realize that the only reason you feel “out of balance” is because you’ve been so busy chasing after it. So busy that you’ve never stopped to define what it looks and feels like — for you.

It’s time to realize that balance isn’t defined by having the perfect children, or a perfect marriage, or a perfect Instagram feed.

Balance is what YOU define it to be. YOU define what it looks like for you, because YOU are in control of how you want to feel.

So if you’re ready to get clear on what balance looks like for you and find it once and for all, then here’s what to do next:

1. Grab a pen and set a timer for 5 minutes. Write down all the reasons you find it hard to feel balanced in your life right now.

2. Now, notice what you wrote down. If I had to guess, most of these were external reasons: aka things you can’t control. But there are two things you CAN control: how you choose to think, and how you choose to act. So for every reason you wrote above, ask yourself this question: “Yes but is this true? Or is it a story I’m telling myself to justify why I feel so out of balance?” Answer honestly here — no one’s judging, and you’re the only one who’ll see this. The more honest you are with yourself, the easier it is to define what balance looks like for you in the next step.

3. Set another 5 minute timer and imagine that you’ve finally found balance. What does it look like? What does it feel like? Don’t filter! Be as descriptive as you can and write whatever comes to mind.Congrats, girl. You just created your very own “Balance Blueprint ©”! This is your guide to find more of the balance you want, and less of the excuses you don’t.

Now all that’s left to do is look for the evidence. Start focusing more on the things you wrote down in Step 3, so that you can create more of that in your life.

Because the secret to finding balance … is to create it.

About Courtney

After overcoming cancer at 25, Courtney has made it her mission to show her fellow mompreneurs how to StressLESS and feel clear, focused, and in control of their life and business. {Or in other words, how to channel their inner Joanna Gaines and make it through the day without needing 4 cups of coffee and an entire bottle of dry shampoo.}

As a wife and mompreneur herself, she understands the pressure that comes from wearing all the hats and the frustration of feeling like there’s never enough time to get to everything on the list.

As a Lifestyle Strategist, Speaker, and Stress Expert, Courtney teaches busy mompreneurs how to use The StressLESS System© she’s created to help them have it all without having to do it all. And more importantly, so they can be more present with their families and have success without the stress. After all, StressLESS, LiveMORE is her motto!

Courtney is obsessed with barre workouts and dark chocolate, and lives in New Orleans with her husband Alan and their busy little boy AJ. She enjoys spending time traveling and giving back, especially with The Blooming Lily Foundation and their mission to empower young girls in Kenya to reach their dreams.

To learn more, you can connect with Courtney on Instagram @CourtneyElmer_ or on her website, CourtneyElmer.com

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